Domestic Violence; It's EVERYBODY'S Business!

I'm back to this space after a long time. Yes 2 years is indeed a very long time! Some of you that read my blog, might wonder about my fancy for debatable, 'righteous' topics. The truth is, I write in spurts. Most often when I feel very passionately about something and that passion spills into words.

A few days back, I attended a seminar organized by one of the women’s organizations in my bank, LEAD. The topic was ‘Domestic Violence’ (DV) and its effect on the workplace. LEAD had invited a lady called Brooke McMurray, the founder of ‘Safe Horizon,’ a leading DV victim’s assistance organization. As I sat and listened to Brooke’s story, I was stunned and a little disbelieving at the same time. How could an educated woman like her be subject to such abuse (shoved down the stairs, pushed out of a running car, tied up and beaten etc..) by her Ivy League, investment banker husband??? I wondered if she was exaggerating her story and also the statistics that she rattled off – 1 in every 3 women reported abuse by a partner, 1 in 5 employed women are victims of DV and so on.

Then I saw a short movie clip depicting DV in an affluent home, the victim, a (seemingly) strong professional lady.

(You can watch the trailer here: http://www.safehorizon.org/safework/ta_(un)safe_trailer.htm )

I could feel the terror and the shame the woman in the clip experienced, and yet it could be any one of us -- my family..my friends.. the people i know and care about. We are so fortunate that our families are safe and none of us has ever had to experience something like this. But it is still so important to be aware of it, because it could be happening to so many people we know. And when they come out with their stories, we must not be distrusting and assume that perhaps the women are at fault (a lot of people tend to do that). We must draw them out, listen to them and give them all the help we can.

I personally know 2 girls that have been victims of DV. One of them is a close friend’s sister. She was tortured by her first husband – again pushed down the stairs, stubbed with cigarettes, beaten up, locked in the house..the list goes on. After 2 years of torture, she finally gathered the courage to ‘escape.’ She stuffed a bag with some clothes and her passport and ran away to a friend’s house and finally fled the country. She was in the UK at that time. She came to the US and lived alone for 3 years, battling her nightmares and trying to move on. Finally a few years back, she married again. Unfortunately for her, this husband turned out to be a monster as well. He chided her all the time, beat her, kept all her money, locked up her passport and when she was pregnant, ordered her to ’behave’ or else threatened to divorce her – he actually got a divorce paper, forced her to sign it and then each time she ‘misbehaved,’ would dangle it in front of her threatening to sign it himself! One cold winter night she slept in the car in the garage because she could not bear to be in the same house with him. This was a few years back. Since then, she had the child, but I dunno how she is now. I suspect her husband is still the same monster that he was.

One of V’s friend’s sister got married a few years back and came with her husband to CA. The brother visited them often, but some months after the marriage, whenever V inquired after his sister, the guy would remain mum. He started making frequent trips to CA and would never tell anyone why. 1.5 years later, he confessed, that his sister was a victim of DV. Her husband did all of the above things and even tried to kill her at one time. Turned out that he was suffering from depression. He tortured her for more than a year before she finally fled with the help of her relatives.

Again, I am so grateful to God for the blessings he has showered on us. I pray that all of you always always always remain safe and empowered. And I pray the same for your families as well.